Mom: ...Is that a guy dancing?
Me: Is it a guy dancing exotically in little more than rags covering his privates? Yes. Alexander was gay.
Mom: Alexander was gay? The Alexander? Alexander the Great? Was gay?
Me: Uh, yes.
Mom: That's just...I...*mumbles incoherently*
*a little later*
Sean: What's gay?
Mom: It's when a guy likes another guy and doesn't want to marry a girl.
Me: *vexed and annoyed* Sean, get out. Now.